Speed Clean Your House

SKILL LEVEL 1

It's the holiday paradox: the season most likely to leave your house in chaos is also the season people are most likely to drop in. Time to speed clean! The goal is to create the illusion of cleanliness, because there's not enough time to actually clean and slap on deodorant. Here's what to tackle, starting with the most critical.

1 Skill level
1 out of 5
5 Steps
10 Materials

Step 1 Hide clutter

In each room guests will see, shove as much non-holiday clutter out of sight as you can. These being desperate times, shortcuts such as stuffing the newspapers behind the sofa are acceptable (but don't stuff them under the cushions, because newspaper makes a telltale crinkling noise when sat upon). If guests hang coats in the front hall closet, think twice about what you throw in there.
Next, grab a laundry basket and speed through each room again, tossing any remaining clutter in the basket. Plop the basket in your bedroom and slam the door shut.
Step 2 Attack the living and dining rooms

Straighten the cushions and fold the throws you swaddle yourself in to stay warm. Brush crumbs from the cushions into your hand and throw them in the trash — or under the cushions if they won't crunch when sat upon. Push in the chairs around the dining room table.

Wipe off any obvious dust and sticky spots on the most noticeable flat surfaces, such as the coffee table. We recommend a damp cloth, but using your sleeve is acceptable if you plan to change your shirt. (Using spit on stubborn spots is a personal choice on which we take no official position.)
Step 3 Zoom through the bathroom

Attend to whatever personal hygiene requires attention and then put away toiletries and personal items. Use the hand towel to wipe the sink, faucets, counters and mirror. Throw that hand towel in the laundry and put out a clean one.

Make sure the toilet is flushed (those kids!). If the toilet paper is running low, put on a new roll, or at least set it on the back of the toilet so it's easy to find. Use a disposable wet wipe to clean the underside of the toilet seat and the rim.

Use whatever is handy — wet wipe, used towel, mini-vacuum — to collect the hair from the floor. Don't forget the space behind the toilet because, trust us, someone will look. Close the shower curtain to hide the bathtub, especially if you stashed some of the clutter from the living room in it.
Step 4 Tackle the kitchen

Put away food, or cram it in your mouth and chew really fast. Load dirty dishes in the dishwasher. If you don't have one or it's full, consider short-term solutions — the cupboard, oven or pantry (not that we'd officially recommend such a thing).

Grab the dishtowel hanging on the fridge door and wipe the sink, countertops and stovetop. Throw it in the laundry and put out a clean one.

If the garbage smells, put the bag outside the back door (just be sure to put it in the trash can before a raccoon finds it).

Move the bowl of pet food where no one will step in it — it's shocking how many people can't see a perfectly obvious bowl on the floor.
Step 5 Finish it up

Hang up coats and line up shoes. Make sure there are enough hangers/hooks for your guests and, if needed, a place for drippy boots — even if that place is just a beach towel (nicely arranged, so people don't think it's been there since August).

For all other rooms, turn off the lights to discourage entry and close the doors tightly.

And remember to greet your guests with a smile!

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