by Dayna Del Val
Planning a wedding is exciting, but can also be frustrating. Steeped in tradition, everyone from your mother to your co-workers has opinions about your wedding and the events leading up to it. Here are a few traditional rules that can easily be broken without diminishing the tradition or beauty of your wedding day.
You Don't Have to Ask the Bride's Parents for Permission
Since few women live with their parents when they get engaged, it is simply sentimental tradition to ask for a bride's hand in marriage. For many couples, the parents are the first called after the bride says yes, but the groom doesn't often ask them for permission to propose.
You Don't Need a Bridal Shower
When your bridesmaids and groomsmen live far away, throwing an engagement party for you is next to impossible. Co-workers, friends, or family members can throw you a bridal shower — it is no longer solely the duty of wedding party members. If you have more than one shower, don't double the invites; people may feel like they are expected to buy multiple presents.
You Don't Need a Wedding Party
It is not absolutely necessary to include your siblings in the wedding party. There are other ways to involve your family members — they can usher, read, sing, offer a toast, or simply be honored guests next to your parents. Not being a member of the wedding party does not diminish your siblings' importance. (And your sister may be happy not to have to wear a bright purple dress to match your wedding colors.
You don't need identical numbers of bridal party members on each side. If you have three best friends but your fiancée only has two, you don't need to include a third person for symmetry. Be creative with how they walk down the aisle — one man can walk with two women; your maid of honor can walk alone; two women can walk together; or you might even have the wedding party already at the front of the church when the ceremony starts and avoid the procession all together.
It's also okay not to have a bridal party. All you really need is two witnesses to sign your marriage license.
You Don't Need To Serve Dinner
Don't feel obligated to offer a full meal, especially if your wedding reception isn't at dinnertime. Tapas plates or ample hors d'oeuvres are great alternatives to a sit-down dinner.
If you don't like wedding cake, go with a dessert you do like. Cheesecake, seasonal pie, petit fors, candy and ice cream are all delicious treats.
Just because certain events — like bouquet tossing or cake feeding — are traditions, doesn't mean they have to be part of your reception. Be firm about your likes and dislikes. Make this event about you and what you want.
You Don't Have to Take Formal Pictures
While it may be easier to shoot the majority of your photos before the wedding, you may want the element of surprise. If this is true for you, be firm about not seeing your fiancée beforehand. Candid photos are often just as lovely as staged shots.
Be specific about what you want. Get photos with the people who are most dear to you and of the specific events within the ceremony and reception that you feel are most important. The most expensive photography package is not always the best for you. Your wedding guests will also take pictures and will be happy to share them with you.
Thank You Notes Are a Must
Thank you note etiquette is where tradition rules. It is never appropriate to fail to send thank you notes to the people who attended your wedding and brought gifts. Soon after the ceremony, dedicate a little time each day to write thoughtful notes to the people who celebrated your day with you. Share the task with your new spouse — he or she can do more than simply sign their name.
Feel free to pick and choose the traditions that work best for you, even if you do get a lot of opinions. Be brave, be strong and stay committed to what you want your wedding to be.
Freelance writer Dayna de Val had no bridesmaids, no receiving line, no wedding dance, no wedding coordinator, no rented tuxes and no formal RSVP to her wedding, yet she has managed to stay happily married for two years.
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