Moving is rarely a stroll in the park, but moving with children can be especially challenging. Children can be confused, excited or fearful. They might even refuse to go. Here are suggestions to help you cope.
Infants & Toddlers
Infants and toddlers are the easiest to move, because their lives are less complicated than older children's. However, they can sense your stress and react to it. Be prepared for a few weeks of fussiness on either side of the move. Older toddlers may regress and have to relearn the rules.
To help them:
- Spend plenty of time with them and keep their routine as normal as you can.
- Avoid any other big changes during the move, such as toilet training or getting them new furniture.
- On moving day, keep the child’s favorite security object — such as a blanket or stuffed animal — with you.
Preschoolers
Preschoolers get excited about moving, but don’t really understand it. They worry about their toys and furniture, and may decide that the whole thing is their fault.
To help them:
- If possible, visit the new house with them before the move.
- Explain the move simply and clearly. Be prepared to explain it more than once.
- Pack their favorite toys last and have them help. Let them “label” their boxes with crayons or stickers.
- Stick to routines as much as possible and try not to introduce other big changes.
School-Age Children
Unlike babies and toddlers, older children understand what moving is about. They're aware that their surroundings, school and friendships will change. They have a lot of questions — some of them tough — and a complicated mix of emotions.
All School Age Groups
Tell them. Talk early and talk often. Don’t let them find out at the last minute or worse, from a neighbor. The sooner your kids know, the longer they have to get used to the idea.
Learn about your new location. The more you know about your new home and neighborhood, the easier it is to sell the kids on it.
Encourage questions. Be open about where, when and why you are moving. Don’t worry if you don’t know all the answers. Also, their questions will give you an idea about how they are feeling.
Keep a positive attitude: Stress the positive things about the move. But don’t pretend everything is good if it isn’t — for example, if you’re moving because a relative is ill and needs help.
Involve them. Get the kids involved with the planning and the packing, and make sure they know their contributions are important. Older kids can research the new place to find out about schools, clubs, sports and other things they can do.
Grade School
Grade-school children become excited about moving and imagine how wonderful their new lives will be. They worry about changing friends, routines and activities, and they might not know how to deal with their emotions. They might start feeing angry a month or so after the move, when reality has not lived up to their imagination.
To help them:
- Involve them in the planning and packing.
- Take pictures of the new house and community for the kids to share with their friends.
- Have a farewell party. It makes the move concrete for them.
- Make sure they have their friends' contact numbers so they can stay in touch.
- Find out where they can meet and play with other kids in the new neighborhood or the local community center.
- If your kids are taking classes or involved with any clubs, get them involved in the same things in their new area as soon as possible.
Teenagers
Teenagers have the most difficulty with moving because they have strong social relationships. Be prepared for active rebellion and to stand firm against it. They may try to talk you out of moving or ask to stay with friends or family instead.
To help them:
- Give them space. They are trying to become adults, and being forced to move reminds them that they aren’t there yet.
- Listen to their concerns and let them know that you respect their problems. Don't lecture or become defensive.
- Don’t give into emotional blackmail and don’t agree to let them stay behind. The exception is if your teen is a senior in high school. If it’s possible to finish senior year by staying with family or friends, consider it.
- Work with them to learn about new schools, activities, job, and chances for a social life.
- Give them control over how they set up their new room — it’s their space.
- Find out what the kids are wearing in your new area. Clothes are a big part of teen culture, so a shopping trip to pick out the right outfit for their first day at the new school can help them fit in.
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